If you have never failed a bar exam (or if you have never taken a bar exam) and you have always wondered what it felt like not to see your name on the pass list, here it is: failing a bar exam feels a lot like getting dumped by that guy you never wanted to go out with in the first place. You know, the one with the goofy hair who always has spinach in his teeth? The one who laughs at all of his own lame jokes? Failing the bar exam feels like getting rejected by the guy you go out with because you don't have anyone else to go out with, and what else are you going to do on Friday night? You are pretty, and smart, and funny and you should have guys lined up around the block, but you kind of don't, so you have to make it work with Spinach Tooth. Because he can be okay, right? In a dimly lit restaurant after 3 glasses of wine, he's totally okay. Right?
Here's the deal: you made it through law school. You fought, you cried, you cursed, and you bled your way through. You stayed up all night to write papers and study for final exams. You interned, you externed, you clerked for an attorney who told you that you would never ever make it as a lawyer. Ever. And you wondered along the way if it was worth it. It had to be worth it. Otherwise it wouldn't cost so much, right? And then you studied for the bar exam. You stayed up late studying. You stared into space for hours at time silently willing the Rules of Evidence to embed themselves in your brain. You took over 5,000 practice multiple choice questions. You studied so long and so hard that you couldn't have a normal conversation with anyone for at least a week before the exam. You walked into walls because you couldn't focus on walking in a straight line long enough to actually do it. And then you took the exam. 3 days of thinking and analyzing and typing; trying to stay just calm enough to write everything you can possibly remember about intestate succession. Praying that a question about criminal law shows up so that you can make up the points you're sure you lost on the contracts question because you couldn't quite remember all of the mailbox rule.
Failing the bar feels like that time you got all dressed up to go out with Spinach Tooth. You bought a new dress and shoes. You did your hair. You even shaved your legs. You acted as though this was your very last stop before spinsterville. You did what you could. You laughed at his dumb jokes. You pretended to pay attention when he talked only about himself and that time he attended the Republican National Convention, or spent a year growing facial hair, or had a crush on a girl in marching band back when he was in high school. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. And then he dumps you. By email. Or voice mail. Or text message. And you think wha?! This guy wasn't good enough to go out with me in the first place! Where does he get off rejecting me? You spend a sad night with a bottle of wine and The Notebook, and then you vow to do whatever it takes to get him back. Because, damn it, you are going to dump him next time!
That's what failing the bar exam really feels like. But I don't feel that way today. Because I now understand that the bar exam has more to do with moderating the influx of new lawyers into an already strained marketplace than it has to do with any actual skills an attorney would need. Since I don't want to practice right now, it is almost better that a bar number that would have gone to me will now go to some 26-year old who just graduated from law school and is eager to get out there and find out just how much it really sucks to bill hours. And I'm okay with that. Almost.
Pin It
No comments:
Post a Comment